Emergency Contact?

This is a kicker, it kind of brings it all back home.

I went to the emergency room yesterday, because I had an impaction in my ear, let me be the 1st to tell you, that is the most painful thing in the WORLD!!!!

As I was going through registration the woman says: Who would you like to list as your emergency contact.....


There was a huge delay, as I ran through my head the very small list of people who are "of age" and would actually care if something emergency like happened to me.....

Mom- in the psychiatric hospital
Dad- Dead
Mom's Family- strangers
Dad's Family- strangers
Boyfriend- 3 months
Brother- lost his # and have not spoke to him in awhile
Brother's Mom- I use her for everything =/ but have not seen her in awhile.
My best friend- we have become distant in the last few months. She does not seem to want to be bothered by me and what I have going on in my life, she has her own life and things going on too.

And there it was......my list.......now who to choose from that.

I opted for my boyfriend.

It is a terrible feeling to realize that tiny list is of the people outside of my children MAY care if something happened to me in the hospital.

I guess it was just a sad scary realization once again that I truly only really have ME to count on in this life, me and my kiddo's now if 17 would hurry up and turn 18, I would list him.  But they said that it had to be someone "of age".......

Still won't change the fact that very small list is my life.....

Sometimes I just don't get it, I struggle everyday to prove myself to everyone, anyone, and in the process I get shut out time and time again......makes no sense to me.

I wonder what it would have been like to have parents who cared, a family who cared.

But that is as far as it goes......it is a wonder.....because I will never know.