Things got bad, then they got better, then they got worse and now that is kind of where they sit. He and I are barely on communicating standards, much less anything else. I have been getting physical with him and have lashed out at him on several occassions now. I can't seem to help it, because my emotions are so out of whack. I try so hard to make him happy and it does not seem like anything ever will. I am losing myself in the process of trying to find him and that scares me.
I love this man with everything I am. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I could not imagine being with anyone but him, but I'm scared. I scared of how things are going to turn out if we don't get a handle on it really soon. But we are both so stubborn and our pasts get the best of us a lot.
Last night he checked our phone records and swore I was talking to "some other guy", after I proved him wrong things just got weird like always, I am afraid that we are losing ourselves and that is such a scary place to be. Especially when all I want to do is love him, and I want so desperately for him to love me the way that I want to be loved. But I'm fearful that we are kicking a dead horse here, because I don't know that it will ever be that way.
Friday, February 8, 2013
It has been awhile 2/10/2013
It has been awhile since I have blogged, so I guess I should start with the obvious.
17 turned 18 and with that became chaos, a loss of sense of direction, lies, stealing, drugs, etc. etc. I kicked him and his girlfriend out on December 23rd, on December 28th they came and got their stuff from my home after a major dispute and I have not spoken to them since. I have not seen the grandbaby in 2 months, and honestly it has been less chaotic, less drama and less negative. I believe by my other children, I made the right decision.
16 and 12 are doing well, I have had to crack down with rules and such, so they are both grounded, however their attitudes have been improving everyday. I am very proud of the progress they have made since 18 and his gf have been out of the picture.
8 is doing well, he is making good grades, has good behavior and his dad and I are getting along better than we ever have for his sake...
17 turned 18 and with that became chaos, a loss of sense of direction, lies, stealing, drugs, etc. etc. I kicked him and his girlfriend out on December 23rd, on December 28th they came and got their stuff from my home after a major dispute and I have not spoken to them since. I have not seen the grandbaby in 2 months, and honestly it has been less chaotic, less drama and less negative. I believe by my other children, I made the right decision.
16 and 12 are doing well, I have had to crack down with rules and such, so they are both grounded, however their attitudes have been improving everyday. I am very proud of the progress they have made since 18 and his gf have been out of the picture.
8 is doing well, he is making good grades, has good behavior and his dad and I are getting along better than we ever have for his sake...
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