3/3/2012- One week until it has been 10 years to the day that my only daughter passed away at 2 days old. I don't care what anyone says, yes as time passes by the wound is able to be scabbed over, however I don't know that any amount of time will change the way it feels on March 11th of every year.
I am slapped back into that hospital room, watching my tiny infant daughter fight for her life. She is on life support, pain medicine going strait into her body through an IV tube. Her tiny fingers and toes turning black from the lack of oxygen that she received after being born...her poor body laying there completely lifeless and her heart stopping every few hours, the doctors and nurses rushing in to revive her body, but of course, it was clear her soul had already been laid to rest. No matter how much time passes, every year at this same time, it still hurts.
I grieve for my daughter every day, although losing her has made me a better, stronger mother for my other children.
I think of what she would look like now, what her voice would sound like, if she would still let me comb her hair before school. I think of what it would have been like to hold her, kiss her, cradle her, rock her, but she is going to be 10 soon. She would be in the 4th grade, what would her grades be like, would she be a good reader, would she have a boyfriend.....thoughts of her fill my head even after all of these years of what would have been if she would have made it to today.
She is my strength now.
She is my heart now.
She is what helps me overcome challenges.
She is what makes me a better person.
She is what makes me a good mother.
She is what wakes me up everyday to fight another battle.
She..........is my Angel.
She may not be with me in her physical presence, but I feel her with me every second of everyday, even 10 years later.
My Angel, My Princess, My Baby Girl, My Daughter.
Mommy misses you.
I'm sorry that you no longer have your little angel here on earth with you so that she can bless this world. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that she is in the warm comforting arms of God's presents. She will be there to greet you when it is your time. Meanwhile she knows only happiness and her only memories of her mother are good ones. She will melt into you when you reunite with her.
ReplyDeleteWhat was your angel's name? I hope it is okay that I ask.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers always, but especially on the 11th.
My Angel's name- Nevaeh Dawn
ReplyDeleteShe passed away when she was 2 days old.
Thank you Jaime, for being so wonderful =)
You are always in my thoughts as well.
=) (((HUGS)))