Easier....Ha.....Maybe not.

So today started off well, work went well, the drive home went well.....and then I got home.

No chores done, seriously? And 15 is laying in my unmade bed playing on my computer after very strict instructions NOT to be on my computer, and very strict instructions to do his chores.  So I was mad, I yelled, I screamed. He was sarcastic acting like he always does everything (when in fact he never does anything) and how it is all on him.  There was a cup on the floor, the kitchen cabinets were open, which I hate, and he could have vacuumed.  5 minutes of work....so hard.  Anyways I got it done, cooked dinner and then 17 called.

I am mad at 17 because he and his girlfriend seem to be totally against me.  Now that he moved out it is like I am the odd man out and neither one of them seem to remember everything I did for them, and I guess 17 fails to remember me losing my whole life to stand behind him when he abused 8....really?

So needless to say I can't scream at him, I can't tell him how I am really feeling.  Because it might affect his progress and how far he has come.  However what I would LOVE more than anything to say is YOU made it to where MY baby didn't want to be here anymore, I had to let MY baby go live with his dad, and YOU want me to be happy and support YOU in bringing another life into this world when you have thoroughly fucked our lives up? Sorry, but I can't be happy, and then his girlfriend blocked me from Facebook? Real mature sunshine.  Whatever.  Tonight I told him I would not bother him anymore if that is what he wanted and he could just do whatever he wanted without the hindrance of me caring.  Of course that is not what he wants, I am all he freaking has ever known, he does not have anyone but me, and let us be for real, statistics show that although he and his girlfriend may in fact make it awhile, the chances of them sticking it out for the long run are rare. So who does that leave him with in the end? Me!

Just upset again tonight, I let him get to me, I let him make me cry.  I just wish he would realize how much I have let him affect me, and my other children.  He has broken apart everything I have ever worked so hard to achieve, and he doesn't even care.......=/