But I feel ok this morning, it seems as though I covered a lot of ground last night. The kids seemed to have "heard" me, and maybe they understand that I have just had enough. I am ready to live my life, our life without the chaos and the mass destruction that seems to take place daily. I wish they would understand that a fraction of a sliver of a little tiny bit of effort from them would make things that much easier on everyone. Momma does not like to scream and yell, but when I talk, they don't listen!!!!! Hopefully they heard me...hopefully!
I made it a point not to call 8 last night. Since he has been with his dad I have called everyday, talked to him everyday, talked to his dad everyday, I have become sincerely obsessed with keeping my presence known in his life daily. But after calling the night before and hearing the sound of "happy" returning to his voice, I figured it wouldn't hurt to let him have a day "Mommy Free", he knows he can call me anytime he wants to....
So here I am this morning, sitting at work, and just thinking, and reflecting and working out all of the kinks, trying to think of what I can do different to change this course that we have been on for so long, and getting all of the negative out of our life so we can live somewhat happily for a change. I am willing to make more sacrifices if I have to, bend over backwards some more if I have to, all I know is that things have to be different than they have been.
I think it will all come around, and our lives will slow down a little bit and we can take time to smell flowers, and breathe deeply and that it will all be better soon....I am not quite ready to take off my seat belt yet though- life has proven to me, that just when you least expect it, something else happens.....
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